...is a word that gives great comfort to those of us in denial. I will use it in a sentence to define further: Eventually certain things are gonna happen.
I believe we move towards any eventuality with either distinct apprehension or excited expectation. (Yup, that's me, Ms. Black and White, with a splash of Ms. Extreme thrown in for good measure.) But that pretty much is the way my life seems to go. It's been one heck of a ride. And I like it!
Oh. I forgot to mention. Another thing about eventually, is that it usually catches up and occurs, hence the term - eventually. And like a boy scout, you best be prepared. And with any expectation, eventuality or expectation; whatever adjectives or attitudes you bring, the outcome is always defined by what you bring to the table.
The old adage goes, there are only two certainties in life - death and taxes. And I hate to split hairs (not really) but I think there are other semi-certain inevitabilities. One certainty for me: A child grows up and moves on, leaving you with what you wished for. You and your life
The Next Phase in Candi Milo's Life was much ballyhooed in the press (ok, in my house) last year. I was absolutely certain I would do certain things once my daughter graduated. You know, that graduation... it was happening in about eight years and in no way in the next few months? We weren't there yet. We couldn't be there yet. How could she be eighteen when I'm only seventeen?!?!? The whole graduation was still referred to, in my mind as: eventually, when my daughter graduates I will...
Knowing that when they called her name it was going to be my turn with 'eventually', I anxiously watched from the viewing stands as she and the Senior Choir sang, Michael Jackson's I'll Be There (No dance, but I did wave my iPhone with my Zippo lighter app blazing!). In an effort to further keep my eventually at bay rather than ponder, "now what, big mouth?, I marveled at how fitting it was that she should sing a song from my childhood to end hers. There were speeches upon speeches, but it was a glorious day in sunny California. We all listened politely, really dying to hear our graduate's names called, and I daydreamed about how fast it went. And how my Bambi always seemed to bring positivity and light into any situation.I mean...
Yesterday she had a pacifier and needed a hat to go with every dress. Eventually she would enter kindergarten.
Yesterday she started a brand new school when we moved out to what we liked to refer to as our country estate. Eventually she would go to the junior high being built.
Yesterday she started that newly completed junior high as I dropped her off in the carpool line, with the other parents frantically waving for their kids to come back and get the lunches they left on the front seat. Eventually she would enter high school.
Yesterday she was Freshman class president, on the Volleyball team, and in her first play. Eventually she would drive.
Yesterday I was the DMV offering the driving evaluator a cool $20 to flunk her so I didn't have agita until I heard the car pull into the garage. Eventually she would do college applications.
Yesterday we were filling out applications, supplemental applications, scheduling auditions, picking material for those auditions, and waiting to hear the news. Eventually she would find the perfect school.
Yesterday she found the perfect school. Eventually (in about 8 years!!!!!) she will graduate.
Yesterday my beautiful, sweet, talented, crazy Bambi graduated. In 8 weeks she will attend college.
8 weeks!!! That's it. In eight weeks - I will be free to do as I please and ponder my own eventualities. Yup, dreaming of and making plans for the life I had put on hold, in order to raise my child - who hopefully will need very little psycho-therapy because of it... hee hee hee
I am taking the steps. They are baby steps - but there is forward motion. And I will bring all the positivity and light and joy and hope I own into my new stage. I may have to shake some of it out of mothballs, but believe me, I still got it. I will eagerly listen to my intuition and trust my instincts and they will take me exactly where I need to be. (Ready, Stan?)
As far as I go...
Yesterday I sang professionally at an agent's showcase - first time in 10 years. It went really well. Eventually I will...
Don't bug me just yet about that... I'll get to it... eventually. Right now I am sipping away at a large glass of "I will gladly pay you on Tuesday for a hamburger today"...
Trust me, you'll know when I know.
Until then, you know you love me...