Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Life's Too Short...And So Am I

I got a private message from an old agent and dear friend telling me the news that a good man had passed away. Suddenly. He was young. He was my age. Repeat, he was young. It was his heart.

But then again, with Todd it always was about his heart. The enormity of it.

I was completely taken by surprise. I am so sad. Well, you know me, having that not-so-nice side of me continuously gnawing it's way through my system I immediately thought of so many others who could have gone in his stead. Mean, I know. But you do it, too. Admit it. You're thinking of them right now. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Feel better? Right. I always do.

Reading Tim's Facebook message over and over again I couldn't help but drift back to the heady beginning days of my voice over career, well, career such as it is. It's certainly the thing I've done the longest. And next to singing, the job I've enjoyed most. There are amazing actors and craftspeople doing what I do. Wonderful people.

To quote Peter Boyle; I do a wonderful job in a wonderful way with wonderful people for wonderful pay.

And it all began in a closet at the William Morris agency. For many, it ended there - but for me and Todd and a host of others, the reel-to-reel in the back closet of the back office is where the magic was made! hahahahahahahaha....

Todd and I were always reading the scripts for commercials as "Mr. and Mrs. Joe America" and yes, I got a sickly chill thinking of that dumb dame from Alaska trying to co-opt The Every Man for herself, as if Every Man means ignorant.

But I digress.

If there was a young couple needed to read for a spot it was Todd and I. If there were Newlyweds in an ad trying to decide on a sofa or recliner or paint or a baby's name - we were called in to read for it. The same thing with on-camera commercials. We were always auditioning at the same time to be the Mr. & Mrs. for a plethora of TV products. We had the distinct pleasure to say we NEVER worked together on a spot! But for a period of 8 years - one or the other of us got the husband or wife in anything we read on together. They loved us! Just not together.

One day, before Todd was engaged to be married to his beautiful wife he had gone out with her and proclaimed that he thought he had finally found the one. Yes, I bit. I asked what made Miss S so special.

"Matching Underwear."

I know I shouldn't have bit again, but I did. I asked him what he meant by that sexist remark.

Todd completely inflamed the always crowded and highly competitive waiting room at WM by calling out in my direction, "It's underwear for God's sake. What is it with you chicks these days? I mean, is it too much to ask that when you go on a date you women wear matching bra and panties? I mean not you personally, Candi because really, do you even rate a bra?"

I didn't then, but do now (just as my mother said I would if I was patient and didn't rush out to buy them...). As I lunged for him and he artfully dodged me, the waiting room exploded with loud opinions, ranging from feminist takes on the need for bras at ALL, to guys expressing their desire to get a glimpse of any feminine underwear, matching or not.

While the room was on it's ear we would sneak back to the water cooler and then wait outside the recording booth - which by then had made it's way out of the closet and had split into 3 - and go in to record our copy ahead of every else - while they were all out there arguing the merits of underwire...

The thing I loved about Todd was that he loved actors and loved being around them, saw the good in them, how hard we were all trying to make a living and be the best we could be. And then he would take that and twist it a bit for drama and have a good time watching the game...

That was Todd. That was the Todd I will miss. Todd who was taken too soon. Todd had a heart of gold - soft, genuine and pure (other than the whole underwear debacle...) He was a great guy and a GREAT talent and will be as hard to replace as Don L. for what it was that Todd brought to Joe Every Man. Hell, he is irreplaceable.

It was raining cats and dogs the day they celebrated his life in the South Bay and I was in Simi Valley performing in The Drowsy Chaperone and couldn't have made it down to where they were hoisting them up in his name even if curtain HAD gone up on time.

But I did stop, say a little prayer that herever he was he was fine and that his family left behind were all doing ok.

I for one, am a little better for having know the Torok.

Rest in peace.

Oh. And if you can hear me, Todd - 34C, baby - and nothing matches!!!!!

you know you love me - Candi

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Wink, nod, point, wink, smirk...

It's not very hard for me to say this.

Actually, the only thing hard about saying what I am about to say is not screaming it at the top of my lungs so that I appear the picture of mental illness like so many politicians today.

Sarah Palin, go away. All the way away. You're an ignorant dolt and those of us not transfixed by your ridiculous and phony (much like OJ Simpson's demeanor during his murder trial here in LA) "aw shucks" folksy routine, find you tiresome. Yes, I'm a woman...your age, smart, pretty, who doesn't support you. I don't support you because you can't show the work. You got the C+ in the class - just enough to stay on the basketball team - but you can't show your work. So please, gather up your kids and your trashy drama and your stay-at-home-husband and go away.

Have you tried Alaska!? Oh. Wait.

It is people like you, Sarah Palin, with your stupid quotes, your vendetta to be the prettiest whatever at any cost in American politics, that have brought forth vicious and violent people. It is your spewing, with the blessing of your bizarre preacher that have made it dangerous in America to say what one has to say without getting a wink and a smirk from you, a functioning moron, pointing your finger like a gun, inciting those easily tripped by the tides of full moons into committing mayhem.

I tried to get a funny quote from you to title this blog. I searched the Internet high and low - and what I read that has come out of your mouth is simply pathetic. You can't form a sentence, let alone an original thought. You giddily spew - for cash apparently - anything the puppet masters put in front of you. And people follow you. Not because you lead - but because they say to themselves - if that halfwit can be famous, so can I!

And don't you actually have to read a book before you write one? Oh wait. Ghost writer. How's that person sleeping? The little stack of money to make you look like you have a double digit IQ must be very lumpy. Sure, you're successful - but that's because there's always one desperate, ruthless person in the bunch who'll do what no thinking person would. Never confuse ruthlessness with IQ, my dear. You have one, but not the other.

I think my fury stems from the murderous rampage that a 22-year-old shooter inflicted upon a shopping mall, where a Democratic political figure, a beautiful woman, was shot in the head, and I can't help but bring it all home to you and your amping up the hatred of the masses, with just as many missing brain cells as you, to inflict violence, because you can't win with intelligence and thought. How about the little girl who was killed, Miss Hunter Gal?

I remember your rallies - though it's hard for me to find your loathsome quotes - I'm looking for them, Sarah Palin. The only thing I can find to quote you on are ignorant rants, the ethical equivalent to shouting "Fire" in a crowded movie theater, your "Don't Retreat - Reload!" quote. Shame on you, you buffoon. And I mean buffoon with a big smile and a super double wink. Wink. Smirk. Double wink. Nasal laugh resembling a jackass's bray. Wink. Smirk. Nod. Point.

Remember those 22 Democrats you literally targeted with gun sights on your blog? Remember that? Well apparently you set the bar for a poor soul like Jared.

See, I know a bit about the Jared's in the world, those as lost in an evolved society as you and trying to make a mark; the confused and the should-be-seen-and-medicated crowd. Growing up with the mentally retarded and emotionally ill - I know what's it's like to get people who have a thin grasp at best on truth or reality or any combo, stirred up. It's easy. It's also morally reprehensible and unconscionable.

You are comparing yourself to Ronald Reagan I understand. Only people who have forgotten the past put Reagan on a pedestal. Yes. He was charismatic. He was charming. But I remember the AIDS crisis. The Contra scandal. His failing to do what was right over and over again. His special deals. Maybe you think you are like him because you too, believe you're an actor. You kind of are, like the Kardashians are. Only, they are all pretty. You're a nasty diversion. Lindsay Lohan on steroids. Except Lindsay is not dangerous.

I wonder how funny Mark Kelly thinks you are? Let's call him up and ask him.

Oh wait.

He's in space - doing something important, because he actually is a rocket scientist.

Where are you? I bet at some speaking event, making the rounds like the sad and befuddled Richard Nixon made, conned into thinking that anybody of any substance thinks you're super neat, and propped up to look the least insipidly stupid you truly are, spouting ideas whose meaning you haven't the least idea of, whipping up fellow pea-brains, bigots and blamers, comparing yourself to dead men, and all the while leaving your children in the care of whom?

Where are you? You're certainly not in office. By your own choice. Quitter. But your wranglers are right. Now is not the time for America to roll out our idiots.

I have yet to see your face in the media with all the democracy being whipped up in the middle east. Where do you stand on Yemen? Who do you think should follow Qaddafi in Libya? What will happen if Iran falls? What should we do to help the government of Greece with their financial crisis? Why haven't the bankers and mortgage lenders been indicted under the RICO act? Why don't you like the Health Care Plan? What specific elements of it do you object to? Where do you stand with a person's right to unionize? Because you know, it is minorities who benefit most under union protection.

And you're a minority. You're a woman. And as much an embarrassment to my sex as any cast member of The Jersey Shore.

So that's it. I'm participating in the Ignore-You-Till-You-Go-Away campaign to wipe out illiteracy at the government level.

Go away. Thanks for everything. You did the best you could (after copying from the smart kids' notes). It wasn't much - but it was enough. In all the wrong ways. I can't even say what you've done - you have zero to be proud of - or even not so proud of. But thanks, and here's the door.

Oh, wait. Who's that right over your shoulder? Why it's Christine O'Donnell...

Oh, brother...

You know you love me... Candi