Monday, March 29, 2010

Do The Right Thing...

I have been accused of being naive. I am not naive. I am a rule follower. The problem with that is I believe that most rules don't apply to me. That said, I do follow societal rules - you know, the ones like it's better for everyone if I don't run this red light. So in my naivete of trying to do the right thing and follow the rules, behave, pretend God is watching or my mother or Mother Teresa, I took a Facebook gag and tried to make it right.

I have the crappiest luck when it comes to dating. I think that's because I assume that everyone out there is a rule follower like I am. And like me, believes in the best in themselves. I am the type of person to look past the trappings in everyone and get to the person within. Sometimes, though, not even the person I'm looking into sees what I see - and they end up disappointing me.

If you look back through my earlier blogs you know what I'm saying. Others would have run from the men I have dated - but not me. Sane people call it care-taking, insane people (oh say, like me) call it putting out your heart and taking a chance by helping someone through... After the last schmo I obviously need to have more sane people surrounding me.

In fact, quite a few sane men in my life have rallied around me in an attempt to stop my madness. One of them in fact even decided I should have a date with my dream man. Stanley Tucci. I was blathering away about how I was going to take a recent upset and turn it into art - come back doing stand-up and singing in this teeny tiny musical I'm writing called Stalking Stanley.

I have admired Stanley Tucci's work since his Levi's commercial in the 1980s - ok and truthfully? In that ad? Just his arms. I lost track of him until one night I was sitting with my brother and his wife watching the movie Big Night. It ranks right up there with my other faves Rocky and Fatso. It was a rental. So when everyone went to bed I took it out and watched it again. OK, watched Stanley.

I had a crush. A big one. He is adorable. So talented on so many levels. Funny. And in my heart I think I have always looked for the Stanley Tucci type. The last guy I thought might have been, he was kinda sorta (not really) pointing in that direction. OK truthfully? Just his arms.


My friend then asked why I didn't just date Stanley Tucci. And I pointed out to him that while I am hugely famous with the under-5-feet-tall-crowd, I don't actually know Stanley. And at this point I am so burned that, if I could get past the whole kissing thing I would just get me a wife. And he said, whatever you do, do not print that. And well, here you go I just did - and he KNEW he had to step in.

He crafted a petition calling on Stanley Tucci to ask me out on a date and then posted a link on my Facebook page. When I first read it I laughed so hard my stomach ached. I didn't take it too seriously because I have ZERO degrees of separation happening with my man the Stan. I don't know anyone who knows him. I don't think he has ever watched an episode of Dexter's Laboratory or would recognize my voice as Cheese in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. It was harmless.

Then people started to sign it. And when I read it thoroughly I smiled because my friend got right to the heart of my matter - I would love to have a date with Stanley Tucci. Not someone like him.

So on the petition went. And after a few days I forgot about it. Then I got an email from a fan disparaging me for wanting to date someone I didn't know and saying that he was not a nice man. I asked her if she knew him. She admitted she didn't. And I said, well neither do I - and the last guy I DID know turned out to not be a nice man, so I'm going to take a chance that Stanley is out there hunting for a woman who does cartoon voices and commercials and is writing a musical about trying to date him - and if that happens, damn it!, I am going out on a date with him!!!!

The petition was getting a little heat. And I got a few more missives talking about my choice in a man. I tried to explain that the petition was an act of love and humor from a dear friend and his circle of friends and then I thought...oh hell. The best way to put this in perspective for everyone is to put my money where my mouth is.

I went online to the Food Bank For New York City - and posted this challenge; for every signature that I get on my petition I will donate ten cents ($00.10) up to one thousand dollars ($1000.00) to the Food Bank For New York City. I have already honored the existing signatures by donating $100.00 right off the bat. I have faith that there are a thousand, and hopefully ten thousand people out there who love both of our work and would like to see these two crazy kids get together... :)

We should be together. Or at least have a meal. And a make-out session.

Use your super powers for good. Do the right thing. Go online to Sign the petition. Sign it in your stage name. Sign it as one of the people who live in your head. Sign it again. I don't care. I don't think that the gremlins living in online petition world care either. Let's get as many signatures as we can so that the Food Bank For New York City can put out as many meals as they can.

You know you love me - Candi


Gerry said...

Candi: it was a pleasure and privilege to sign the StanleyPetition. Nuts to the nay-sayers. Follow your dream! If only a jillion folks were as good as you to contribute to the Food Bank. Helping the hungry and Stanley hunting. I'd say you have your priorities right!

Lee said...

We definitely need more people like Candi in this screwy old world.

She knows we love her.