Hi All -

Just wanted to post that I have received 3 anonymous rebuttals to my YES on MERGER postings. My fave part is that they are all ANONYMOUS. But I will quote them here - AND - respond!

"You are a moron. Have you ever considered that you are insane."

My response:

Thank you Mr. or Mrs. Anonymous. As my mother said, it takes one to know one, and they usually use the M-word first, because people use it about them a LOT. It's on the tip of their tongue. She is a smart woman. I gather from the anonymity that you must be shy or scared or just so angry that you can't stand yourself. Well take comfort. You are not alone. I'll bet there's lots of people who can't stand you.

And yes. I have often considered whether I am insane and each time I voted no. Next time I'll check with you first before deciding. Do you have your own phone line in your mom's basement?

"You are a moron. Have you ever considered that you are insane."

My response:

Well, obviously we need to talk about a few things. 1) Wait a few seconds to let your rage subside before hitting send again. Sometimes, when using a 1998 250MB computer with dial-up, it takes a half an hour or so for hate to upload. 2) The last part of your comment demands a question mark. They look like this: ?

"You are a moron. Have you ever considered that you are insane."

My response:

In some third world countries we'd be considered engaged now that you have contacted me 3 times with the same anonymous comments. It's cute in a stalker-ish way. Oh. And you're not as anonymous as you think you are. That darn little cyberbully stopping Google...

The next time you think someone else might be insane because they have a different opinion than you, I want you to go upstairs, into the bathroom, look into the big shiny thing that reflects the image of who you truly are, it's called a mirror, try not to be horrified, and I want you to point at it. I then want you to imagine you are talking to me and scream MORON! Then take a good look at your fingers - they are all pointing back at you...like your life.

Thank you for writing in and expressing your comments so articulately. I can see you have a lot of clear ideas about things and I understand your position so much better now. That is me being facetious. A very big word for a moron, no? When you get as brave as I am and can stand behind what you write write back and I'll post it for all the 11 or so people reading here to see!

Until then, have an outstanding day! And don't forget your noon meds!

(You just can't make this stuff up...)

You know you love me...Candi

And an even BETTER rebuttal!! Again - I was there!

Here's a more detailed further input highly respected source re: the ridiculous comment:

"So AFTRA undercut SAG and wound up with all the TV shows that were once SAG shows."

1) FYI, AFTRA got the work NOT because they were cheaper but DESPITE THE FACT that their contract was and is BETTER than SAG's. We make more money working on a primetime network TV show under an AFTRA contract than a SAG.

2) AFTRA has not signed a single show that "was once SAG's". The producers have simply chosen to produce virtually every NEW show they make under an AFTRA rather than a SAG contract. This started in 2008 when the very same people who are now opposing Merger CHOSE to refuse to make a deal with the producers for 10 months after the SAG contract expired. So, the producers CHOSE to work with the union with which they had a contract than with the union with which they did not. And since that time they have CHOSEN to do the same.

Only by merging can we remove the producers' ability to make that choice.

Life's Too Short...And So Am I

I got a private message from an old agent and dear friend telling me the news that a good man had passed away. Suddenly. He was young. He was my age. Repeat, he was young. It was his heart.

But then again, with Todd it always was about his heart. The enormity of it.

I was completely taken by surprise. I am so sad. Well, you know me, having that not-so-nice side of me continuously gnawing it's way through my system I immediately thought of so many others who could have gone in his stead. Mean, I know. But you do it, too. Admit it. You're thinking of them right now. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Feel better? Right. I always do.

Reading Tim's Facebook message over and over again I couldn't help but drift back to the heady beginning days of my voice over career, well, career such as it is. It's certainly the thing I've done the longest. And next to singing, the job I've enjoyed most. There are amazing actors and craftspeople doing what I do. Wonderful people.

To quote Peter Boyle; I do a wonderful job in a wonderful way with wonderful people for wonderful pay.

And it all began in a closet at the William Morris agency. For many, it ended there - but for me and Todd and a host of others, the reel-to-reel in the back closet of the back office is where the magic was made! hahahahahahahaha....

Todd and I were always reading the scripts for commercials as "Mr. and Mrs. Joe America" and yes, I got a sickly chill thinking of that dumb dame from Alaska trying to co-opt The Every Man for herself, as if Every Man means ignorant.

But I digress.

If there was a young couple needed to read for a spot it was Todd and I. If there were Newlyweds in an ad trying to decide on a sofa or recliner or paint or a baby's name - we were called in to read for it. The same thing with on-camera commercials. We were always auditioning at the same time to be the Mr. & Mrs. for a plethora of TV products. We had the distinct pleasure to say we NEVER worked together on a spot! But for a period of 8 years - one or the other of us got the husband or wife in anything we read on together. They loved us! Just not together.

One day, before Todd was engaged to be married to his beautiful wife he had gone out with her and proclaimed that he thought he had finally found the one. Yes, I bit. I asked what made Miss S so special.

"Matching Underwear."

I know I shouldn't have bit again, but I did. I asked him what he meant by that sexist remark.

Todd completely inflamed the always crowded and highly competitive waiting room at WM by calling out in my direction, "It's underwear for God's sake. What is it with you chicks these days? I mean, is it too much to ask that when you go on a date you women wear matching bra and panties? I mean not you personally, Candi because really, do you even rate a bra?"

I didn't then, but do now (just as my mother said I would if I was patient and didn't rush out to buy them...). As I lunged for him and he artfully dodged me, the waiting room exploded with loud opinions, ranging from feminist takes on the need for bras at ALL, to guys expressing their desire to get a glimpse of any feminine underwear, matching or not.

While the room was on it's ear we would sneak back to the water cooler and then wait outside the recording booth - which by then had made it's way out of the closet and had split into 3 - and go in to record our copy ahead of every else - while they were all out there arguing the merits of underwire...

The thing I loved about Todd was that he loved actors and loved being around them, saw the good in them, how hard we were all trying to make a living and be the best we could be. And then he would take that and twist it a bit for drama and have a good time watching the game...

That was Todd. That was the Todd I will miss. Todd who was taken too soon. Todd had a heart of gold - soft, genuine and pure (other than the whole underwear debacle...) He was a great guy and a GREAT talent and will be as hard to replace as Don L. for what it was that Todd brought to Joe Every Man. Hell, he is irreplaceable.

It was raining cats and dogs the day they celebrated his life in the South Bay and I was in Simi Valley performing in The Drowsy Chaperone and couldn't have made it down to where they were hoisting them up in his name even if curtain HAD gone up on time.

But I did stop, say a little prayer that herever he was he was fine and that his family left behind were all doing ok.

I for one, am a little better for having know the Torok.

Rest in peace.

Oh. And if you can hear me, Todd - 34C, baby - and nothing matches!!!!!

you know you love me - Candi

Wink, nod, point, wink, smirk...

It's not very hard for me to say this.

Actually, the only thing hard about saying what I am about to say is not screaming it at the top of my lungs so that I appear the picture of mental illness like so many politicians today.

Sarah Palin, go away. All the way away. You're an ignorant dolt and those of us not transfixed by your ridiculous and phony (much like OJ Simpson's demeanor during his murder trial here in LA) "aw shucks" folksy routine, find you tiresome. Yes, I'm a woman...your age, smart, pretty, who doesn't support you. I don't support you because you can't show the work. You got the C+ in the class - just enough to stay on the basketball team - but you can't show your work. So please, gather up your kids and your trashy drama and your stay-at-home-husband and go away.

Have you tried Alaska!? Oh. Wait.

It is people like you, Sarah Palin, with your stupid quotes, your vendetta to be the prettiest whatever at any cost in American politics, that have brought forth vicious and violent people. It is your spewing, with the blessing of your bizarre preacher that have made it dangerous in America to say what one has to say without getting a wink and a smirk from you, a functioning moron, pointing your finger like a gun, inciting those easily tripped by the tides of full moons into committing mayhem.

I tried to get a funny quote from you to title this blog. I searched the Internet high and low - and what I read that has come out of your mouth is simply pathetic. You can't form a sentence, let alone an original thought. You giddily spew - for cash apparently - anything the puppet masters put in front of you. And people follow you. Not because you lead - but because they say to themselves - if that halfwit can be famous, so can I!

And don't you actually have to read a book before you write one? Oh wait. Ghost writer. How's that person sleeping? The little stack of money to make you look like you have a double digit IQ must be very lumpy. Sure, you're successful - but that's because there's always one desperate, ruthless person in the bunch who'll do what no thinking person would. Never confuse ruthlessness with IQ, my dear. You have one, but not the other.

I think my fury stems from the murderous rampage that a 22-year-old shooter inflicted upon a shopping mall, where a Democratic political figure, a beautiful woman, was shot in the head, and I can't help but bring it all home to you and your amping up the hatred of the masses, with just as many missing brain cells as you, to inflict violence, because you can't win with intelligence and thought. How about the little girl who was killed, Miss Hunter Gal?

I remember your rallies - though it's hard for me to find your loathsome quotes - I'm looking for them, Sarah Palin. The only thing I can find to quote you on are ignorant rants, the ethical equivalent to shouting "Fire" in a crowded movie theater, your "Don't Retreat - Reload!" quote. Shame on you, you buffoon. And I mean buffoon with a big smile and a super double wink. Wink. Smirk. Double wink. Nasal laugh resembling a jackass's bray. Wink. Smirk. Nod. Point.

Remember those 22 Democrats you literally targeted with gun sights on your blog? Remember that? Well apparently you set the bar for a poor soul like Jared.

See, I know a bit about the Jared's in the world, those as lost in an evolved society as you and trying to make a mark; the confused and the should-be-seen-and-medicated crowd. Growing up with the mentally retarded and emotionally ill - I know what's it's like to get people who have a thin grasp at best on truth or reality or any combo, stirred up. It's easy. It's also morally reprehensible and unconscionable.

You are comparing yourself to Ronald Reagan I understand. Only people who have forgotten the past put Reagan on a pedestal. Yes. He was charismatic. He was charming. But I remember the AIDS crisis. The Contra scandal. His failing to do what was right over and over again. His special deals. Maybe you think you are like him because you too, believe you're an actor. You kind of are, like the Kardashians are. Only, they are all pretty. You're a nasty diversion. Lindsay Lohan on steroids. Except Lindsay is not dangerous.

I wonder how funny Mark Kelly thinks you are? Let's call him up and ask him.

Oh wait.

He's in space - doing something important, because he actually is a rocket scientist.

Where are you? I bet at some speaking event, making the rounds like the sad and befuddled Richard Nixon made, conned into thinking that anybody of any substance thinks you're super neat, and propped up to look the least insipidly stupid you truly are, spouting ideas whose meaning you haven't the least idea of, whipping up fellow pea-brains, bigots and blamers, comparing yourself to dead men, and all the while leaving your children in the care of whom?

Where are you? You're certainly not in office. By your own choice. Quitter. But your wranglers are right. Now is not the time for America to roll out our idiots.

I have yet to see your face in the media with all the democracy being whipped up in the middle east. Where do you stand on Yemen? Who do you think should follow Qaddafi in Libya? What will happen if Iran falls? What should we do to help the government of Greece with their financial crisis? Why haven't the bankers and mortgage lenders been indicted under the RICO act? Why don't you like the Health Care Plan? What specific elements of it do you object to? Where do you stand with a person's right to unionize? Because you know, it is minorities who benefit most under union protection.

And you're a minority. You're a woman. And as much an embarrassment to my sex as any cast member of The Jersey Shore.

So that's it. I'm participating in the Ignore-You-Till-You-Go-Away campaign to wipe out illiteracy at the government level.

Go away. Thanks for everything. You did the best you could (after copying from the smart kids' notes). It wasn't much - but it was enough. In all the wrong ways. I can't even say what you've done - you have zero to be proud of - or even not so proud of. But thanks, and here's the door.

Oh, wait. Who's that right over your shoulder? Why it's Christine O'Donnell...

Oh, brother...

You know you love me... Candi

I Don't Know, I Have To Ask My Life Coach...

I have a two word response to that.

Oh. Please.

Life Coach. Didn't that used to be called Mom? And when her advice didn't work, we did the best we could with the information and skill set we had. I made mistakes. A lot of them. And I own them. Don't get me wrong, solicited advice is great - but it's kind of like a butt; everyone has one and they can kinda stink...

(sorry)

These days it is easier to ask someone who didn't bother to take the time to go to school and get a degree in or even somewhat master psychology, finance or any other of the subjects they would need to dispense advice as they do - than to take personal responsibility for results in our life based on our actions and decisions. I have always believed it is what you do or don't do that defines you as a person.

I say teach a person to fish and they will eat for life. Hand them a fish and they'll be back asking you how to clean them, how to cook them, how to bone them, and where they should dispose of the waste...

I can't tell you how many people I know either have a wretched streak of bad luck or fail miserably at a couple of things in life - and rather than stand up and take a sheepish bow - and say to themselves, "I'll get them next time. I'm going to learn from this!", they instead exclaim; "It wasn't my fault! It was the system at large, the man, the economy, my ex! And now, based on my vast experience of getting screwed AND screwing up, I can show you how to never make that same mistake again. You know as long as it is the EXACT same mistake - because I am obviously not seeing the big picture of how sometimes life is nothing personal and I should just pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again!"

Sigh....

I know two people in particular that dispense advise on a regular basis. Both of them would be hard-pressed to take their own advice. I think they should just settle down and be a little...oh say...QUIET...

One does it for money. Professionally.

He began as a professional speaker, though he really had no skill at speaking, nothing really to offer as a life lesson, and so this compelled him into giving life advice one-on-one. This guy has done so many things wrong it's almost silly to think of him as offering advice to anyone - and anyone paying for it! He cheated in his marriage, had a bankruptcy, owes thousands to the IRS and does not support his children. I think Michael Vick had a life coach when he was involved in the affair that sent him to federal prison. Did his life coach go with him?

Good question - What can he really show you how to do? Best question - why would you listen to him for any reason?

The other person I know is a someone who fascinates me. She is a little more tricky to dis. She is a married, young mother who lives close to the edge of poverty and while she has no education and has never been employed she has a lot to say about everybody else's life with a fairly foul mouth. In her family, she is the voice of reason. And they all listen to her...

Yeah, I want to be like you. Except for the part where you dispose of soiled diapers in the trash can in the kitchen. Sign me up. So really, you think I should not make my child go to college because you didn't go and look how your life turned out? Huh. (PS- she despises her life BUT can show you how to get it!)

I know. Not enough vodka on the planet I dare say.

She has a lot of opinions. Pretty much all of it based on soap operas - which seems to work for her value set. She has a million excuses, I mean very good reasons for her situation, and how life unfairly played out, all the while laying claim to the rewards of others' accomplishments. I had to listen to her rant about Sonia Sotomayor being appointed to the Supreme Court because they are both Puerto Rican. I wanted to say that Sonia went to college, studied hard, worked three jobs - as did her mother - and values self-sustaining over the promulgation of poverty. I ended up saying nothing because the fantasy of "me and Sonia are exactly alike except for the fact that life screwed me..." was so strong I just couldn't point out that Sonia is where she because of the choices she made all along the way.

I also had to listen to this woman quote her deceased mother-in-law with absolute authority - as if she had taken the reins of the family. As if poor Rosalie is not turning over in her grave to see her young son bent like his father was, providing for small children and a wife intent on remaining a "traditional stay-at-home mom."

"Candi, let me give you some advice on how to keep a man..."

That's ok. You keep him.

If only I could make this stuff up.

I know that the cycle of poverty will never be broken in that branch of the family as long as the "life coach" is preaching and her congregants listen. I fled.

But these are just two instances I have experienced in my own life. There are also the Suzie Ormans, Dr. Ozs and the Dr.Phils out there - the Oprah anointed - people who once had a few good ideas and then tried to make little empires out of fear and stretching out your need to hear from them.

I guess I'm different. I am humbled by my mistakes. I am embarrassed when they could have been prevented. And I would no more tell someone how to go through a divorce or reinvent their life, then I would tell them what stocks to pick. In case I'm wrong. I know what I know. And one of the most heart-bright people I know once said, "I know what I don't know." I prefer to hug someone through it and say - you can do it. I'll be waiting for you on the other side with cocktails!

I don't know that I could ever trust someone who says to me - don't do as I did - do as I say. I would always be wondering, what ELSE don't you know that I would know if I could get past the feelings of fear and worry about the future.

I started in on this because I am reinventing myself. I figure, it's the perfect time for it. Economy in the toilet. Work dry. Skin, too. So, I put it out there. There are so many wonderful things I think I can be doing with my life - and being an empty-nester on the cusp of living the rest of my life for me - I want to choose wisely. I shared this with a friend who fancies herself a new-age life coach.

My ears were pinned by the barrage of what I should be doing, how I should go about it, and if I ever needed to talk about how to do it, why to do it or when to do it I could make an appointment on her website. You have a website? What happened to coffee and the sharing of ideas? I only shared this with you because your life sucks as hard as mine! When did you become an expert at life? I'm still learning.

So I left her sitting with our cappuccinos and went next door to the liquor store and bought two tiny little bottles of rum. I poured one in her cup and one in mine. We laughed and relaxed. And as the warm glow seeped into our bodies we both remembered we don't know crap about crap. We don't know what tomorrow will bring. We can only do the best we can. We should love each other into health and hope and joy. We will all be gone one day - almost all of us sooner than we'd like. We don't need advice - we need shoulders. We hope that one person will agree with us and come with us while we fill out the paperwork, wait for the results, or pick up the pieces.

We are human after all. And the greatest life coach in the world is experience - and surviving it.

We are our own best life coaches. And though your advice may reign supreme behind your closed doors I wear the tiara in my family, baby.

You know you love me - Candi

In Appreciation For Your Contribution...

We'd like to give you...

Blibbity blah blabinski...

I would rather just be appreciated while I'm making the contribution - you know? During the giving of my heart and soul to something I find worthwhile. Rather than waiting till the end to receive a certificate or flowers - the size of which never fails to feel like it correlates to or reflects the efficiency or magnitude of my contribution, or so it seems.

Honestly? I'd rather just have a hug...while I'm hustling, while I'm doing what you'd later like to show me your appreciation for. Sometimes that can save you the cost of the plaque and me the time it takes to trim the bottoms off the flowers.

I'd rather be told "thank you" as I'm in the process of showing up and trying hard. I'd like to have someone show me their appreciation by being wonderful to work with - and offering a smile and a compliment during the ordeal.

That includes relationships of any kind. Mother's Day is amazing and I appreciate it - but it's the phone calls the other 364 days of the year that mean the most. Thank you - my kid knows that. Or even a friendship rekindled...the appreciation is shown and the hope of maintaining a relationship is kept alive by both parties willing to make a phone call, if only to say, thought of you today, rather than awaiting a face-to-face that may never occur. It's why I can't stand the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You" - what a sucky credo to live by. it gives men AND women the tacit permission to treat and be treated poorly and unappreciated because they don't meet the magic, secret minimum requirements that simply being a part of humanity should in fact trump. (Again, one of those sentences that assures that it's just me and the remote tonight in bed...) It is as if a kiss-off should be expected...and you shouldn't feel hurt - as long as you get flowers in the end. You should have seen it coming - if you had seen the movie you'd know this is how it rolls.

My response to that is - Just be nice cuz I have flowers growing in my back yard already.

I believe that every day that passes we have an opportunity to show appreciation for the work in progress - life. All of it. Even the stinky parts. Even if the end result of what you are hoping to be appreciative for doesn't quite jam into the box that you have labeled with that particular effort. If we don't show our appreciation with a tender word, a kiss, a hug or even a fist bump, one day it may be too little too late.

It's why I like calendars so much - especially the calendars sent by specific charities soliciting you for donations. I get about two dozen a year. And each charity always marks up the pages with days that they believe represent things we should remember and be thankful for. Things you never think of. I got the USO calendar and am looking forward to appreciating Battle of the Bulge day. Although in my house, isn't that every day?! One day I'm going to combine them all and just be thankful and appreciative every day of the year - for really weird stuff. The calendar I'm really searching for is the pagan calendar. I bet they have some doozies on their calendar. Happy Vodka Day!!! Happy Butt Grabbing Day!!!

But I notice it is so hard for lots of folks. They don't appreciate off the top of their heads. A lot of that comes from guilt. Although I have seen people appreciate because of guilt. Guilt Appreciation arises from I know I haven't been treating you well all along, so I hope you will accept this bouquet as a token of my I'm-So-Sorry-You-Caught-Me-Ragging-You-Out-Behind-Your-Back. Fear also has a lot to do with tokens of appreciation - I hope you will accept this token of my I'm-So-Sorry-You-Caught-Me-Being-A-Classless-Ass-And-You-Don't-Blog-Me-By-Name... I do have that mouth, you know. And these quick little fingers.

I've decided that I'm coming up with a list of my own things to appreciate. Today - I shall appreciate flaws. I am going to find the tragic beauty in imperfection in all things. Maybe I'll start with my mother??

No! Wait!!! I got it. I'll start with me!!

And then I'll move on to Stanley Tucci. He is not imperfect. Except that he has not called. I'm not going to hold it against him. I'm going to hold something else against him. Soon as he calls.

You know you love me - Candi

“All young people, regardless of sexual orientation or identity, deserve a safe and supportive environment in which to achieve their full potential.” - Harvey Milk

How do you go on as if nothing wrong has happened? How do you, as a parent, not hold your hand over your heart in tears when you see the picture of this beautiful young man, filled with hope and talent and dreams? How do you not think of your own children?

You don't. You stop and you cry and then try and make sense of it.

Tyler Clementi is gone now. His death ruled a suicide. It is thought, but not proven that it was because his roommate and another student taped a private gay sexual encounter and streamed it live over the Internet. Twice.

What is a gag to some (not most - certainly not most) is unspeakable horror to another (well, to the rest of us, that is). Beyond what the lawyers tell us about the invasion of the inference of privacy that Tyler was entitled to, by closing his door and keeping his love life to himself - the question begs, "Who the fuck thought this was funny enough to broadcast?"

I am sure we'll be bombarded by psychological pundits with the idea of implied emotional fragility that Tyler suffered from (which is biased in and of itself) - to lessen the impact that this intense pain caused by a 'prank' inflicted upon him. I'm sure we'll also hear that none of this would even be discussed had the sex being taped and streamed over the Internet been heterosexual. That's how far gay rights has come, dontcha' know! Spread the news!!!!

But even if either of these scenarios are true - it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter because it mattered to Tyler.

The truth is gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people do not have the same rights as others in this country. Period. Don't ask, don't tell. Sodomy laws. I hear people speak of events unfolding this weekend and say, come on, it is no big deal, a little kissing, a little fondling, I mean it is laughable enough, right? Sure. Laughable enough that there was interest in taping it and urging others to watch, too. Laughable enough a situation that Tyler, who had not come out, knew to keep this intimate encounter private.

You know, methinks the operable word in the above paragraph is ENOUGH!

There is another label being layered on this hate crime - bullying. Bullying exists. And I agree bullying and bashing is a major part of this, yes. But to me, as a mother, this is more than bullying. More than bashing. It is torture.

"Every person who, with the intent to cause cruel or extreme pain and suffering for the purpose of revenge, extortion, persuasion, or for any sadistic purpose, inflicts great bodily injury as defined in California Penal Code Section 12022.7 upon the person of another, is guilty of torture."

For it to be torture certain 'elements' must be present: you inflicted 'great bodily injury' on another person WITH the specific intent to cause cruel or extreme pain and suffering, FOR revenge, persuasion or for any sadistic purpose.

Supporters of the alleged perpetrators are saying that they are good kids that made a mistake. I say they did not mistake a green light for red and cause a bumper thumper. Nope. They participated knowingly in cruelty and it may have led to a death. Aaaand scene!

I think it hurts me most and makes me angriest that these are not the typical alleged perpetrators. They are not Deliverance extras. They appear to be bright young people. Young people who may have even been subjected themselves to the same tortuous biases because of their race, gender, talent or high IQ. Listen, I know I sound tremulous. I feel it so I am doing all I can to access my higher power to pray for the two young people and hold good thoughts for their parents - who love these children that made such 'cruel and unusual' choices in their lives.

In the wake of all this I see that five more young people have killed themselves because of gay bashing. This takes me to a place where my heart feels in need of masking tape and Elmer's glue. How can we as a society allow this type of insane ignorance to harm our children? How many more must feel helpless before we stand and say enough!

I look at Tyler's sweet face and ask myself this question over and over and over again: Where did your hope go?

"And the young people in Jackson Mississippi, in Minnesota, in the Richmond, in Woodmere New York, who are hearing her on television, hearing Anita Bryant on television tell them that they are sick, they are wrong, there is no place in this great country for them, no place in this world. They are looking to us for something tonight. And I say, we have got to give them hope!" - Harvey Milk

Candi