The Imaginary Conversation...Imaginary Boyfriend: When will you stop calling me that? I'm not your sweet boy.
Imaginary Candi: Wow. I wish someone would call me their sweet girl, although Candi might be sugary enough. It would make me feel loved and treasured and protected. Ok, it would make me feel young. hee hee heeeee.....
IBF: I'm serious.
Candi: Ok, I'll stop next Tuesday. Seriously? I'll call you my man when you start acting like it.
IBF: What does that even mean?
Candi: To be a man? Honestly, you should know by now. Not my job to raise you. Just my job to reap the benefits of all those mistakes you said you learned from.
IBF: Well, give me an example of what you consider a real man.
Candi: Hello! You have brothers, uncles and a father - they didn't immediately spring to mind?
IBF: Well, of course, but I want to do what it takes to be your man.
Candi: Am I supposed to be flattered? Cause frankly, I'm just nervous now. Listen, a tender sobriquet is just my way of being sweet. It's what you evoke. But as far as you fitting what I have in mind? There is no pre-requisite - no slot you have to fit into. You already were a man - I picked you. I picked the you that you were yesterday. You know, this shape-shifting that you do, posing and pretending to be something you're not or feel something you don't, it makes me put my guard up. The thing about being a sentient, hell, even semi-comatose woman is that once you're past 40 - you see things. You see through things. The first thing I see is that you do not want to be my man. I think you'd settle for being Ferris, with frenefits.
IBF: That's not true. I'm doing everything I can. I'm trying to figure out what makes you tick and how I can be that.
Candi: Just be you, ok?
IBF: You just don't understand me. You don't understand what it's like to do real work. It all comes too easy to you.
(Imaginary Candi turns slowly to look at the man with a whole new set of eyes, wondering what this has to do with the price of tea in China. She's trying to figure out if real work is like real acting - only performed by others in a secret club you're not invited to. Then she remembers a childhood as one of five kids of a traveling nightclub stand-up, when the only medium that paid any real money was television. She remembers Poverty - with a capital "no you can't have that.." She recalls her first job at 14, her second at 15, her third at 16, moving to LA at 18 and cleaning the studios after recording sessions at Sunset Sound Recording to survive. Her big splurge - Dodger Blue, the bus that would take her to Dodger Stadium for $1 to see Fernando Valenzuela. Calling out for a single ticket...)
Candi: OK, for the sake of argument. A man is someone who honors his commitments. His word is his bond. He says nothing he does not mean. And means everything he says. No excuses. No omissions. He lets others know exactly where his loyalties lie. He actually has loyalties. He is present and any complaints about his life, love and his relationships are never uttered without first a HARD look at himself. Oh, and he does for others without being asked. I think that covers it. That's a man. A man in my world. That is all any man needs to be.
IBF: Oh. Ok.
Candi: So. We good?
IBF: Yup. I'm your boy.
Candi: Exactly. And when you and Super Mario are finished with your relationship maybe we can go grab a drink.
IBF: Sounds good. Five more minutes. Two more levels...
Candi: Again. Exactly.
you know you imagine you love me...Candi
5 comments:
"Just be sincere". So Jackie Wilson once sang. That, and what you said so well (again!) should never be too much to ask in a relationship. Your comment regarding taking a hard look at ones' self before complaining hits hard. Too many relationships turn into The Blame Game. Not a good thing. And if anyone really had the audacity to say you don't do 'real work', they obviously haven't looked at your personal and professionnal accomplishments.
You're one of the THE hardest working people alive Candi, and once again, your words ring true.
"...once again, your words ring true."
As long as we've known her through the electronic miracle called the internet, they always have. They always will.
And we don't imagine that we love you, Candi.
We _do_.
As a man of color, I know many who bristle at boy. As women rise against the word girl. It can be demeaning. But whispered as a sweet nothing? Can't see the issue, man.
You know, Tirone I try never to use any demeaning or diminutive terms for anyone. My name is Candi - heelllooooo! It was always meant in the sweetest way possible. And I agree, since he was not a man of color - there should have been no issue. I just love that, like Mel Gibson, he went to a weird dark place that had nothing to do with anything.
These seemingly non-sequitor blogs all are just remembered events I feel the need to put down. Expel. They are neither clarifying nor illuminating. They make me feel better. I love that someone is reading them. :)
Thanks for writing in! Candi
And we love that you're writing them, Candi.
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